*sigh*
We knew it might happen when we signed Nikolas up for Soccer earlier this summer. Apparently the people in this town, maybe people in general, are of a “let someone else do it” life philosophy. It happened once before when Alex was in the same soccer league (Boys grade 2-3 with Parks and Rec). “What” is that there wasn’t a volunteer coach, and no parents of the team would volunteer either. Knowing this might/would happen in advance, I gave Ingrid permission to volunteer me if, and only if, it was obvious that no one else would step up. It had to be a last resort, ‘cus I already had Laser Tag games scheduled on alternate Saturdays through November, and Soccer games are always late mornings to early afternoons on Saturdays.
In fact, I was setting up for a game when Ingrid and Nikolas were at the first day to meet the other players/parents and picking a coach. I got a call on my cell phone as I was unloading the van. Ingrid was telling me that there was no coach and no one else was volunteering. I told her that if she’s sure we’re the last resort, that I’d be coach, and hopefully we’d be able to figure out how to move any lazer tag games we needed to, or something. It wasn’t long before I got another call telling me that I was the coach of Nikolas’ soccer team.
As I said, I already had ALTC games scheduled through November. When I went to Parks and Rec to deliver the numerous and redundant forms with redundant questions (what? If they ask “are you a child molester” 4 different ways, they might catch someone on a slip-up?), I found out if I could waive the “be a good coach” training movie (I could! YES!) and if it would be possible to get some preferential treatment for the game scheduling, which was not yet finalized. The director of the sports stuff told me to e-mail him. I did, and by the grace of universal entropy, the Saturdays that I have ALTC games are scheduled with early soccer games. So, no missed or moved ALTC games.
So, now I’m the coach. Woot. I get to call people or e-mail them about practices and reminders. Then I get to scratch their phone numbers and e-mail address off the list when they come up disconnected or bounce. I get to ask a parent to help me out for the ONE GAME I can’t be at due to a previously arranged long weekend event, and have the first volunteer disappear completely, and the second one not show up at practices.
But the best part of ALL, is that I get to essentially be the parent of a group of overexcited 7 and 8 year old boys, including mine, which has quite enough energy of his own to keep a lid on. While this might immediately appeal to some people, it was the primary reason I did NOT want to coach. Oh, people tell me all the time how great I’m doing and how much they appreciate my hard work and all that. I don’t doubt their sincerity, but they might not be so generous if they could read my mind.
Family members may already have noticed this recently, but I’ve grown to abhor being interrupted. I can’t stand it. I hate, in every sense of the word, being disrespected by word or action. Actions of disrespect include someone who is obviously looking for someone or something else to focus on, all the way up to being completely and actively ignored. I can get past that. I just stop talking and move on. What REALLY gets my goat is when I’m being interrupted by the people to whom I am speaking or at least trying to communicate. I’m not having a debate with these people, I’m talking to them, usually with important instructions such as how to stop ball that is coming at you in the air, or how to properly join a laser tag game that I’m hosting. Why has it become acceptable, nay commonplace for people to ignore the leader of a group? What is the magic formula that causes a child to behave in school but nowhere else?
When I’m trying to run a practice or instruct kids on the field during a game, I feel like I’m talking to the air. I get this in my laser tag games as well, but to a lesser extent. With the soccer practices, the kids are talking over me, over each other, telling me what they want to do next, asking when they’ll get to play their favorite position. When I blow my whistle, I get about ten seconds of quiet. If I raise my voice, I get about ten seconds. If I make a kid sit out for acting up, I get about ten seconds. My patience is constantly tested beyond its normal limits. I spend the vast majority of my personal energy trying to NOT vent my spleen at them.
That’s why I’m not a good teacher. Oh, I’m not saying that all teachers are magical beings that have no limit to their patience, or don’t feel like screaming at the kids when they are being bratty. But I simply can’t imagine any person in the teaching profession feeling the way I do when confronted with disrespectful students.
And, before you consider commenting about how little boys have a hard time remaining calm and focusing their attention in the first place, the truth is that the kids aren’t even the worst. Ok, when I have ten of them being that way around me, it can be pretty bad, but the adults can often be just as bad, or worse. I can only imagine that they believe that as adults, they don’t need to listen because they already know everything. They know how to do it all, and they know how to tell other people what to do. They even seem to know the stats of the game before I program them in, because I inevitably have to raise my voice to be heard, or blow my whistle for silence. I’ve even had people get offended by it. Can you believe that? They’re being completely disrespectful to me by ignoring me when I’m trying to tell them what game we’re playing, or interrupting me when I’m trying to give instructions to the new players, but I’m the one who is being disrespectful by making it plain to everyone that people are disrespecting me in the first place.
“Loosen up, Greg” I can hear people thinking, or even telling me. So now, not only am I being shown disrespect by kids and adults alike, but also I’m being told I should just shut up and let it happen, that I’m being too wound up by it. You know, I think it’s THOSE people that have enabled this situation to come about. People who think that it’s ok to step all over someone else while they’re talking, or to ignore the person that they are in a place to listen to and follow.
Whatever. I’m just tired of it. I don’t like it when adults do it, and I don’t like it when kids do it. That’s why I’m not a good teacher. That’s why I got a vasectomy and don’t plan to ever sire another child. That’s why I will refuse to be a coach ever again. My patience is used up every day with my own children. I voluntarily have my patience tested every other week with kids and adults at my laser tag games. I really don’t need more opportunities to lose my tempter when my patience has been completely depleted.
Pray to your deity of choice for me, I guess, so that I can find a way to replenish my stores of patience prior to each of these events. Burn your incense so that I may cage my rage for one more hour at a time during soccer practices and games. Incense… that sounds good…
I haven’t even finished reading but have to comment on this
“What is the magic formula that causes a child to behave in school but nowhere else?”
to let you know that they DO NOT in fact behave in school and when parents are called for behavior issues, 6 times out of 10, I get disrespect from the parents and support of the bad behavior of the kid. A very much “anti-authority” stance from a generation of parents (our age and a bit younger) that is passed on to the kids that it is OK to ignore ‘the man’ but some of this is cultural to the low income groups. (documented studies that I am required to read due to my school population show this)
OK now to finish reading… oh wait! I just interrupted your blog to comment before you had even finished writing. wow… (I know I am a bad interrupter person… Shawn hates it too)
“But I simply can’t imagine any person in the teaching profession feeling the way I do when confronted with disrespectful students” there are days! let me tell you!
Sorry they are testing you so much. I don’t think you should ‘chill out’ and let people walk over you. BUT don’t get an ulcer!
good luck, sending you good patient teachery vibes your way
sis
Hey man… sounds lame, I can understand that this would be pretty frustrating.
I’m sure you aren’t actually asking for advice, and to be honest I have less experience than you in these matters, so my advice is worth less than you paid for it… but the only suggestion I can give is this…
If whistles, raising your voice, and authority isn’t working… than maybe there’s some other approach that would work better. Mind you, I have no idea what that other approach would be, I’m just saying maybe you should switch it up.
To figure out how to switch it up, it may be worth asking the question, What’s the goal? What’s the point? I’m not trying to be flip here, I’m actually just saying, maybe you might want to reexamine the purpose and goal of your involvement as a coach and then develop a new strategy for achieving that goal.
For example, if the goal is to make these kids world class soccer players, then, well… you might pick a more regimented approach. Say, make them run a lot of wind sprints, make them do a lot of jumping and kicking drills, etc. Don’t give them time to think, make all your instructions 10 seconds long, and just keep rolling them through drill after drill after drill. As I understand the game of soccer, to be good at it, this stuff has to be second nature to the players, if they have to think about it, then they won’t be that good. You know what I mean.
But I suspect that you don’t really have that goal… maybe instead the goal is to “have fun and get a little exercise”… if that’s the goal, then maybe you could switch up your approach to emphasize that goal. Maybe make all of the drills be more like games… and since they’re 8-10 year old boys, play to their likes… the dirtier the better… make them do mud drills, set up obstical courses, make them have shouting contests… one player has to dribble down a line of the other players, while the other players yell at them to try to startle or intimidate them, make them dribble around cones while you throw water balloons at them. I don’t know, something crazy… just make the drills crazy and fun…
Anyway… you might read this and say “Jeez what a jerk Brad is… he has no idea what he’s talking about!”… and I’d say, yep, you’re right, I have no idea what I’m talking about. But heck, if you are having a really miserable time, then what do you have to lose in mixing things up and trying something completely different.
Good luck man! I’m rooting for you.
Eudene tells the adults to be quiet and listen because they are worst than the kids.
The truth is that we all take to much for granted when communicating. People interrupt instructions, adults and kids, when then do not understand something. Some are polite and raise their hand, but they still need to interrupt to get clarification. Some however just interrupt to get attention.
Identifying the reason for the interruption is key, if it is a legitimate question, even if it seems dumb to you, should receive patient response. An attention grabbing question should be given short thrift unless it is a plea for help.
IMHO Teachers should earn a lot more; I for one have great difficulty with distinguishing genuine questions from the attention grabbing kind.